Oh go on then, just this once....

I am in need of cheering up. You may have read my previous blog 'Swoon, I'll catch you', it was a tribute to the leading men in my and my beloved sister's movie lives. Now I would like to do a different tribute. A smuttier tribute. This one is for the men in films that you really know you shouldn't like. The rogues, the heartbreakers, the good time boys. You don't want to make a life with them, or even go out with them, just the weekend will do. You almost feel embarrassed that you have succumbed to their charms. But succumb you have. Here's to the boys that make you feel great whilst you're watching them, and a little bit grubby after the credits roll, don't deny it, you know what I mean ladies..... Ray, enjoy in no particular order!


James Bond Daniel Craig

We've all got our own special Bond with James. Some like Roger, some Timothy, Pierce or in most cases Sean. They can all stay in the Astin Martin. For me, Daniel is James. The edge of menace, the eyes of ice blue, the perfect compact body, the brooding looks, the whisper of humour on his perfect pout. For the beach scene where he barely conceals his weapon of mass destruction. You just know how Strawberry Fields feels when, in Quantum of Solace, after sharing a much coveted night with James, she feel ashamed that she gave in to the cliche of sleeping with the spy. Ashamed and fabulous. James, you shake me and stir me......



Thomas Crown Pierce Brosnan The Thomas Crown Affair

Suave, sophisticated, handsome and a consummate thief. Thomas Crown knows how to live. When Catherine Banning is brought in to catch a thief, she is seduced by this enigma of a man. When he oh so cleverly puts the painting back at the end, she is left heartbroken that he has gone. But Thomas has one more trick in store for her. One of the sexiest and most stylish films of all time, leaves you with a heady feeling for days, do you want to dance, or do you want to dance?


J.D. Brad Pitt Thelma and Louise

My Mum told me to never pick up hitchhikers. I think it's the best idea Thelma and Louise ever had. With his cocky cowboy attitude and ridiculous good looks, J.D. bursts into Thelma's life and bed, like a bull in a rodeo. No time for remorse, who cares he took your money, just be very grateful he didn't have a car. Your Mother's not always right.



Butch Cassidy Paul Newman Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid

In one sweet, unbelievably intimate scene, Butch Cassidy's feelings for Sundance's girl Etta are revealed. No words are needed, he whispers sweet nothings in her ear as he she is transported on the front of his bicycle built for two as the romantic tones of 'raindrops keep falling on my head' play in the background. Neither would ever cheat on Sundance, but oh, what a sacrifice, still, crying's not for me.




Alfie Jude Law Alfie

This film is a really watered down version of the great 1966 movie. The thing is, the 2004 Alfie is sweeter, sexier and so much more handsome. I too, would have succumbed to his roguish charms...I know what it's all about, Alfie....



Roux Johnny Depp Chocolat

An Irish gypsy wandering around France with his travelling family and little to his name. Doesn't sound a great bet does he? Unless his name is Roux. Soft and gentle, mysterious and fun, as unpredictable as the wind. He doesn't let on his favourite chocolate until the end.. Now he could get the squeak out of my door.



Count Dracula Gary Oldman Dracula

I'm no Twilight fan, but Count Dracula is another animal altogether. Intense and smouldering, he stalks Mina as a lion would stalk a deer. With a love that flows through the ages, Vlad finds Elizabeta. Dump that dolt Jonathan, Mina, and wear a nice off the shoulder number. Erotic, heartpounding, visceral. What sweet music he makes...



Dr Nicholas Garrigan James McAvoy The Last King of Scotland

Fresh out of Medical School, Dr Garrigan is travelling Africa looking for adventure, and boy does he find it. In search of hedonistic pleasure, he seduces Idi Amin's wife, he is blind to the consequences, she is not, but then isn't it worth the risk? What the hell, you gotta die of something...




Maverick Tom Cruise Top Gun

When a confident, devastatingly handsome young Naval Officer sings to you in a crowded bar, what do you do? Your head says "run!" but when he flashes you that smile, your heart says "stay". You don't want him to know you've got that loving feeling, but when he turns up on his motorbike, he takes your breath away.




Danny Archer Leonardo DiCaprio Blood Diamond

With a badly streaked haircut and a filthy cigarette habit,he's a brash Zimbabwean in a loud shirt. Danny's full of the harsh facts of life and scathing of the Western World. Worse than that, he's a blood diamond smuggler who deals in people's lives. He's as angry as a cut snake with a tortured past. Danny Archer brings more baggage with him than a goat herding National Geographic Photographer. Maddy's instinct was to run a mile, any self respecting girl would have. But in the steamy heat under the African sky, with the beer and the dancing and the red dust and the hint of the person Danny might become, it's not bling bling, it's bling bang.



Danny Martin Rob Lowe About Last Night...

The cheesy pick up line. The smug look on his face, he know's Debbie will say 'yes'. The double lead earphones and the worn out black bean bag. A few signs that this is not the right choice. But then he seduces you with those blue eyes, through those long black lashes, you know that you're going to be a notch on the bedpost, but what the hell, it's worth it to wake up next to that face.




Roy McAvoy Kevin Costner Tin Cup

When Roy McAvoy sets his sights on Molly, you just know she's in for a whole world of trouble. Roy, a washed up golfer reeks of loser, but he also reeks of another L word, lust. Dr Molly could do so much better, but on the other hand, she could do a heck of a lot worse. He's a hole in one..

Ben Barry Matthew MCconnaughey How to lose a guy in 10 days

When Andy makes a bet she can lose a guy in 10 days, she makes a bee line for Ben. Handsome, unable to commit with Texan charm just oozing out of him. The man got charisma. He would have been my first bet too. She manages to snag him for life, but I would be very happy with the 10 days, very happy indeed......


Daniel Cleaver Hugh Grant Bridget Jones's Diary

Daniel Cleaver is a very naughty boy. He loves women, hates commitment and is a cad in every sense of the word. When Bridget shows him her big knickers, he loves it, and we love him. Keep Mark Darcy. I'd rather have a weekend with Daniel, followed by a few days heartbreak than a life time with the bad humoured hand knitted jumper wearer.

Tony Stark Robert Downey Jr Ironman

Here comes trouble with a capital T. Rich, incredibly sexy, arrogant and with a love of things that go fast and blow up. What's not to love? With his hidden love of Pepper Potts, this superhero is not to be sneezed at.

Red Riding Hood

A lot of reviews have billed this as a 'Twilight' twihard, due to the fact that werewolves are involved and it's directed by Catherine Hardwick. The Twilight series is much better, and more entertaining. Now that's a sentence I never thought I'd type. Oh, where to begin? This film is set in medieval times, in a highly stylised fairy tale type setting, chocolate box houses, vivid outfits, dirty dancing oh yes, and rap music, which they had a lot of in those days. Valerie (Amanda Seyfried) is a beautiful young lady, with a naughty side, who is in love with Peter (Shiloh Fernandez, who looks a lot like my friend Bob), a bit of a wild card and not her family's choice. She is betrothed to Henry (Max Irons)who is richer but not for her. The village gives regular sacrifices (Babe), to a werewolf to keep him from their door. Valerie's Mum (Virginia Madsden) and scary Grandma (Julie Christie, still beautiful, not much visible work done) have darks pasts but let on little. The werewolf starts a spate of killings, and Gary Oldman as Father Solomon is brought in to help. He brings his two daughters, who we promptly never see again, and a wardrobe of delightful purple robes to the scenario. The werewolf then talks to Valerie it reveals that they know each other, what are the odds? Val is left in a dilemma whether to go with her true love Peter, or to stay and help the village. Then there's the issue of finding out the identity of the hungry wolf, all during a blood moon, so there's the risk if you're bitten that you yourself will turn into one. Sounds convoluted and contrived? Well it is. A dismal film it has to be said. I like fantasy, but it has to be well written. The plot and atmosphere is reminiscent of the vastly superior 'The Village', even down to a suspicious village idiot, although in 'The Village' that idiot was the elegant Adrian Brody, in this film I think he's played by Ron Weasly's little brother. The cast are sound, but so underused it's the script writer that should be sacrifised. It's refreshing to see Gary Oldman, and he does his best to hamm it up, but given his terrible lines, he didn't have much to work with. Although I do love a man in majestic purple and he wears it exceptionally well. Amanda Seyfried is very pretty. The problem is that she looks too angelic to have a devil sitting on her shoulder and though she's not a bad actress, at this stage doesn't have the acting experience to make you believe otherwise. The younger cast are obviously there to showcase attractive young guns. Max Irons incidentally, is the son of Jeremy Irons and Sinead Cusack, he looks more like his Mum. But instead of projecting moody and mysterious, they all deliver stilted, wooden lines and look gormless. The film is produced by 'Appian Way' which is Leonardo DiCaprio's production company. One of the greatest actors of our generation, this man has such a great sense of judgement when it comes to his own film roles, it's suprising that he chose to produce this. Maybe it was a full moon when he read the script. A couple of points of interest, the part of Father Auguste, a pointless character it has to be said, is played by Lukas Haas, the little boy in Witness. I think Witness may have been his finest hour judging by the acting here. The fact that he is Leonardo's mate wouldn't have anything to do with it would it? Nothing wrong with giving a mate a break. Valerie's father is played by Billy Burke who is the father in the Twilight series as well. Badly edited to boot, there is not much to like about this movie, apart from the poor old wolf. RED RIDING HOOD: Oh Grandma, what a big yawn you have. Someone put a silver bullet in me! 3/10