The American

Oh George, you silver haired fox you, can you do no wrong? Well yes actually you can with this clunker of a film. It begins in Scandanavia, after some thoroughly unwholesome activity in a log cabin, George and his squeeze go for a walk in the snow. Low and behold he is attacked by snipers and so the pursuit begins leaving a trail of blood but no police questioning in his wake. George or Edward as he calls himself, scarpers to Castel Del Monte in bella Italia, having been directed there by his boss to await further instructions. Whilst in this most picturesque of villages, he meets a sinful priest and a prostitute with ideas above her station. He is assigned a very covert operation involving a lady and a gun. All the while being pursued by a very inept hitman. Can this jaded gun for hire get out of the game alive? There are lots of meaningful looks and pauses (more constipated than pregnant) in this film. I know many women will dispute this but there are hundreds of things I would rather do than watch Mr Clooney assemble a gun for five minutes. Edward seems to be rather partial to three things in life, guns, sex and picnics. Admirable qualities in any man obviously, but in Edward it all comes across as slightly creepy. The scenes are tired and cliched. The story is old, so very old. Edward is warned not to make any 'friends', so he takes up with a hooker, only to fall in love with her probably because she is generally topless or dresses like a lady of the night, even on her days off. A keen lepidopterist, he has a tattoo of a butterfly on his back and is called by the ladies, "Mr Butterfly". There is a scene where he's at the most beautiful outdoor spot having a yes, you've guessed it, picnic with a lady. A butterfly lands on the woman's chest (it must have been called Edward) and Edward warns her to leave it, as it's endangered. Oh perleeeeaaase! The town where this all happens obviously has zero Police presence and noone actually lives there apparently, judging by the many cafes that are making no money whatsoever selling one 'Americano' a day to Edward. Perhaps we should all move there to improve the economy and boost the population, or perhaps that's what George was trying to do there. This film was so bland, it even made this town's architecture look dull. I am a huge fan of George Clooney and find him to be charming and a gifted actor. Everyone's allowed a little bump in the road occasionally I guess. The ending is so truly jaw droppingly predictable, you could almost hear me groan as the end credits came up. The American: The man from Del Monte says blah. 2/10.