Kim and Kanye….

Ok, I understand that this is not a review of a movie. I just feel utterly compelled to rant! This is a review of course of the song and video that is causing such a buzz…Bound 2 by Kanye West…. Oh, where to begin? The video perhaps… It's basically real life scenes of really really bad paintings of horses running, the ocean and mountains, the kind of thing your nan would have hanging over the fireplace interspersed with a very serious Mr West pouting and either moving with what one can only assume is a very nasty tic, riding a motor bike..(look mum no hands!) and/or (shock horror!) shagging his well advertised squeeze, the voluptuously vapid Kim Kardashian she of the huge boobs and very tiny waist, as all good D listers should have after just giving birth to a child. Much has been said about the sexual content, Kimmy is seen laying back bored as a viewer with an IQ in double digits is when watching one of her reality shows, jiggling very slightly on the motor bike (I think it's a Vespa but I don't really know my bikes so don't quote me). The jiggling or possibly quivering is supposed to insinuate that she is having sex with Kanye, she is seen in various positions and her face I believe is supposed to portray some kind of plastic ecstasy.. one can only imagine really because her lovely surgeon chiselled features never move, even with the mechanical quivering. Whilst Kimmy is a-jiggling, Kanye is getting down to the serious business of either simulating giving her a right good seeing to or nuzzling into her neck shouting 'Bound!' loudly, seriously, has he been checked out for Tourettes? or sneering at the camera with all the venom of my six year old son in full tantrum mode.. My point to this is there is NO sexual content….its about as sexy as watching my 76 year old Dad twerk….but slightly more cringeworthy. It's no shock that these two have sex, they do have a baby, the ridiculously named 'North' whose career is stretched out before her before she can even sleep through the night poor little mite. It's hardly front page news….Kim and Kanye have sex!!! The shock is that they are happy to portray their sex life as about as exciting as what I was doing yesterday….cleaning out the gutters…although to be honest, I was listening to the mighty Silverchair, so my activities yesterday were infinitely more stimulating than Kim and Kanye getting it on on the vespa trying to avoid the horse poo and hurricanes that were blowing the day they decided to shoot. My main issue is with the lyrical content of this utter dross. Some people have been outraged that Kim's waist has been whittled down to the size of a small chipolata (no offence Kanye), but no where have I read any protest about what utter bile the lyrics are… they are so bad that honestly I can't write any of the lines in full here… They are filled with either the highly imaginative words 'bitches' or 'hoes' and he does actually refer to his best beloved, the mother of his child as a bitch too. He also refers to what he would like to do to her on the kitchen sink..hope the dishes have been done first..and would desperately like his one and only to supply him with some extra ladies to shag for his birthday.. I can see why because he exerts so little energy he would have plenty left over for other lucky ladeeezzz. He frequently uses the 'n' word.. if it has a on the end instead of er is it still as offensive?!! I know that this word has been 'reclaimed' by some members of the black community, but I still have the right to be utterly offended just as I am by the words chinky, red indian and wop…I don't have to be Chinese, Native American or Italian to know that these words are heinous. Kanye West is an idiot so bloated with his own sense of self importance, he's carrying half of it in his little chipmunk cheeks..he is revered by celebrities, 'A' Listers even that are condoning the use of the words and derogatory lyrics about women. This man has a daughter for God's sake. Everyone just stands by and applauds…and he has the full endorsement of another equally talented high profile 'celebrity' his lady love Kim..how could she sell her daughter out, or herself for that matter? What are these two thinking? They are teaching little East that it's ok for her to be referred to as a hoe and a bitch, and it's fine for her fame hungry mum to be seen naked and being shagged by her humourless talentless father while he's fully clothed and calling her a bitch…she will of course love these two highly unlovable creations and will think that their word is God…my heart bleeds for her and for all this generation to have clowns like these two to look up to… This brings me to the genius parody performed by the very talented James Franco and Seth Rogen..Bound 3…it is fabulous and to be honest, the more I think about it, it's a quite a philosophical work of art…we crack up at James' scowling face and postulating nonsense and adore the sensuality of Mr Rogen's hirsute back whilst he coyly makes love to the camera, but they are just copying the original video WORD FOR WORD..SHOT BY SHOT. That's it..so why should we take one seriously and one not? It's a sad statement of the world we live in..shame on us all..but for the record..even the brain drains Kim and Kanye know who I'd rather share a Vespa with... Bound 2…Bound to make you ashamed of the celebrity adulation gone crazy 0/10..Bound 3 helps to restore your faith in humanity..a little. 10/10...